Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Gen 2:18 (NLT)

With this simple declaration, God created the first union between a man and a woman that we now call “marriage.” 

Four years ago, I entered a new marital covenant with Russ. I had no idea when I said “yes” to this new union that my heart was still prone to running for safety behind some thick and high walls of self-protection I’d built during the abusive periods of my first marriage. Whenever Russ and I had an occasional conflict, my heart would flee the scene and run back to the comfort I’d found behind those walls. It was a purely auto-pilot response that I didn’t know still existed in me. 

After I realized what was going on, the Lord started revealing those walls were no longer safe. Instead, they prevented me from building the type of union I had always wanted in a marriage but had never been able to find. In order to have His type of marriage, I needed to give up those walls, trust God to protect me, and choose to stay engaged in resolving conflicts in a healthy way that would strengthen my relationship with Russ. In fact, the Lord revealed that everywhere I protected myself, He could not protect me. YIKES! I certainly didn’t want that as His protection is so much better than mine. I had to remind myself that I really wanted a union of hearts, which Russ deserved, and God desired for husbands and wives to share. 

A new lesson on how to achieve that type of marriage occurred several months later when I was praying with others from the intercessory team during a Sunday service. Kevin, who also serves at the same service, opened the session with the following verses from Ephesians 4.

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. (v 2-4)

I found those words personally convicting. Was I always humble, gentle, patient and lovingly making space for Russ’ faults?  

When we began praying into Paul’s focus on unity. Kevin shared the passage reminded him of what happens when two different plants are grafted together. He explained the grafting process begins by slicing a piece from each plant. Then both plants are physically wrapped together to force them not to move. It is essential for them to stay touching at those open wounds. Gradually over time at this very spot, connections form that transform the two into one new plant capable of producing a unique type of fruit neither plant could have grown by itself. 

The more Kevin shared about the grafting process, the more I sensed God was not just using this metaphor to describe unity in His body. He was also using it to show me what He wants to create in a Godly marriage. The timing of this revelation was especially important for me, because Russ and I were in the midst of a very painful place. I began to see that the pain we were experiencing could indeed be the beginning of a God-graft. Perhaps God had just sliced something from each of us so we could become truly united as one. 

Was the Master Gardener intentionally binding Russ and me together in a way we’d never anticipated to produce a new and unique version of us with a fruit that would be sweeter and tastier than we could imagine? I suddenly had faith to believe this was true. Then I began envisioning how each plant’s DNA must flow freely back and forth within the grafted area to make a new plant emerge from the mutual sharing. It seemed obvious that God was trying to achieve the same flow of life between Russ and me. His perspective filled me with great hope! 

I became even more excited when I realized this same metaphor also applies to what God wants for every person’s union with Christ. Jesus willingly became both fully God AND fully man—a brand new variety of humanity. When this magnificently divine human surrendered to the painful suffering and death of the cross, He extended an invitation to us to become united with Him. Every time we choose to surrender our sinful self to His surgical knife AND remain attached to Jesus during the follow-up bonding process, we become more like Him so His character can freely flow through us, and we are able to produce more of His fruit. 

Thank you, Lord, for this incredible plan and marvelous offer! Please help each of us to cooperate with Your grafting process so the world will be able to taste and see just how good You really are.