I’m not going to lie. If I had a superpower, it would be apologizing. 

Somewhere in my life, I watched too many people ruin too many good relationships just because they couldn’t say, “I’m sorry.” Two words! That’s insane to me, especially when those two little words can change the course of lives. Our human relationships are patterned after our relationship with God. “Salvation requires not only forgiveness from God but also repentance on the part of the sinner.” (Jennings, Could It Be This Simple?) 

If something is that important, why do we put it off?

Simple. Apologizing can be terrifying! 

If that’s you, relax, snap the dust off your tights, and double starch your cape. I’m going to walk you through the three most common fears that can hold you back from healing your relationships. Each one will be power punched at the end with a practical “apologizing superpower tip.”

THE THREE VILLAINOUS BLOCKS TO APOLOGIZING

 What if apologizing means you didn’t just make a mistake, but you are a mistake?
This fear is based around a limiting belief that mistakes and failures are bad, and, if you make one, you are bad, too. Many times this will manifest as denial or excuses for the offending action. In reality, mistakes and failures are a natural part of life and the best learning process. Making them doesn’t make you bad; it makes you human. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (ESV) Now, that doesn’t give you a license to destroy willfully, but it does allow you to face your actions, repent, learn, and try again.

Apologizing Superpower Tip: Remind yourself that mistakes are normal for everyone and say a prayer of repentance. 

 What if apologizing means you’re weak?
This secret fear is usually the big one for people who wrestle with pride. You’ve got the same limiting belief as above, but you’ve taken it to an extreme length that if you make a mistake, you’ll never be “good enough” as a person. Admitting you were wrong and saying you’re sorry doesn’t make you the sidekick over the superhero. Apologizing takes superhuman strength. It requires the flexing of both humility and selflessness. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3, NIV)

Apologizing Superpower Tip: Remind yourself that apologizing takes real strength and pray for added divine strength.

What if they reject you and your apology?
This is the toughest for me. God created us to need community, so that fear can be healthy if it helps us learn to function well with others. But sometimes the healthy thing is for the relationship not to exist as it did before. We live in a “Friend” and “Follower” Facebook world, but sometimes a respectful relationship is more important than a friend relationship. The person receiving your apology may reject you and your apology. But in the healing of a broken situation, you are only responsible for apologizing words and actions to that person and to God, not for the other person’s forgiveness. It’s a two-way street, but you can only control your side. It’s up to them whether they forgive you, but it’s up to you whether you take your scriptural step. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9, NAS)

Apologizing Superpower Tip: Take comfort in doing your part in the healing process and pray that God would minister to the other person on theirs

Each one of these blocks is like a good villain in that it’s going to be loaded with backstory. Your backstory. But if you can defeat your villain, then you’ll be free to access the superpower of “I’m sorry.”

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