I’m a firm believer that a good debate fuels the soul, I think that conflict is a beautiful part of any relationship, and I love trying to understand why people believe how they believe and why they do what they do. I don’t advise that you go and seek a heated debate at your next family dinner, in the comment section, or over the phone with your overly opinionated childhood friend. I do, however, want to find truth in the way we can love our neighbors who may not agree with us. “You’re doing it wrong” is a strong statement but I hope more than anything to help you in “doing it right” with these three realizations when it comes to disagreements with people whether they are close to God or far from God.

#1. You can’t always win.

1 Corinthians 1:25, "For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength."

Pastor Steve Huffman often says that he’s “never argued anyone into believing that God is real.” I love this because I relate to it. I have never in my life made a decision to believe something at a fundamental level based off of an argument where someone proved me wrong. Instead, I have seen God move the hearts of men without any words being exchanged.

We have this drive to be right and to win, but Jesus already won when he lived, died, and rose. The victory that we have in Jesus is so much more than any victory that we will ever have in our time on this earth. Share the gospel, speak the truth, and bring the blessing of peace to the people you come in contact with, but you don't need to use your truth to win because Jesus already did and He always will.

#2. You shouldn’t always win.

Matthew 23:12, "Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."

Here’s the deal. Christians don’t have all the answers to all of the world’s problems. With that being said, you shouldn’t “win” every conflicting conversation that you have with people. If you are, you may want to evaluate why. Is hardheadedness coming before your relationships? When conflict arises it is often because there are conflicting fundamental beliefs or values. Those beliefs and values don’t change overnight and they most likely will not change based off of one discussion that you have with someone.

If you feel like you have changed everyone’s perspectives in every conversation you have, there’s a pretty good chance that you are viewing these conversations wrong. If we are humbling ourselves and picking up our crosses daily, there’s a reality that we take on where we shouldn’t always win. We shouldn’t always win because our humility should speak and our pride should be silenced.

#3. Emphasize understanding not triumph.

Romans 12:9-10, "Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."

Loving people well subsequently means knowing them well. And frankly, It’s hard to love someone without knowing them. Sure, we can love all of God’s children because they are God’s children, but how will they know if we don’t tell them? And how will we tell them if we don’t know them? More importantly, how will they understand our love if we don’t have a relationship with them?

Jesus loves us as we are and I know that I fall short day in and day out. Jesus still loves me and He knows all of this and all of me. He doesn’t argue with me. He doesn’t wait until I live better so that He can love me better. He just loves and He understands. He wants the best for me but He’s also willing to help me get there. Practice this when you disagree with someone. There is a reason people believe what they believe. Get to know that reason. As you get to know that reason, you get to know that person better and then you get to love them better. Let this be your mission above proving people right or wrong.

Jesus changed the world with his love, truth, and grace. Not with arguments and drawn philosophical discussion. It is necessary for us to tell the world about who Jesus is and the truths of the gospel. It is not necessary for us to make people believe us.

 Bailey is the communications intern here at The Vineyard! She assists the communications team with planning and implementing effective communications through our website, social media, print, and word of mouth.

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